We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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