i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
