3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
