operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
