I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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