Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
