i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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