the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
