Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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