I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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