: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
