These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
