she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
