Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
