Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
