STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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