if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
