Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize