ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
