i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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