Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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