they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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