but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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