I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
