my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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