we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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