Sry I called you an 8
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
