I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
