Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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