Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
