Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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