I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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