i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
