using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm passing your future prison.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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