fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
