At least make sure they are 18
Why
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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