I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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