3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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