You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I looked at my own cervix.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
