I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
