so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize