and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
