i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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