i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize