Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
