doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
