So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
