Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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