The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
