Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
