you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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