Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
