Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
