Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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