Are we in a gay sports bar?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
