The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
