At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
