My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
