That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
