There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
