guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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